


Desiderium

by DimensionSlip



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-05 02:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionSlip/pseuds/DimensionSlip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance encounter with a mysterious creature sets off another chapter in Saphir's life--a chapter deeply entwined with a past that he is determined to bring back at any cost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Saphir...”

“Just leave me alone...” Saphir said, staring into the ocean desolately as he sat by the edge of Grand Chokmah's docks.

“...Very well.” The sound of footfalls faded into the distance, and Saphir could only sigh sadly as he found himself in his lonesome again.

 _Goodbye,_ _Saphir._ He sniffled, remembering how Jade's cool gaze came upon him as the other uttered those words back in the remains of their laboratory—the laboratory they spent more than eight years of their youth in, working to fulfill the promise they made as children.

Was it really the end? Will he never get to work with Jade again? The science they brought forth together—was it all for naught, all because of some damned idiot prince's wishes? His brows furrowed at the thought of that man. Yes, it was that bastard Peony's fault. If he did not keep on feeding Jade all those ridiculous ideas about fomicry being a failure, then Jade would not have considered banning the science. “...He will pay.” That bastard will pay when the time comes.

“And I will find a way to revive the Professor.” But for now, his beloved Professor was more important. He would find a way to revive the Professor and bring back that golden era—even if he had to do it alone.

“Did you really mean that?” A voice spoke from behind.

Mean what? Reviving the Professor? Getting revenge on that bastard Peony? Of course he did! Still, Jasper should have known better than to come back when he made it clear that he wanted to be left alone, especially since he was sticking his nose into things that were none of his business. “Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?” Saphir whirled around, eyes blazing with fury. His anger gave way to confusion as he realized that Jasper was nowhere to be found, his gaze falling on a creature he could not recognize.

He blinked, and when he opened his eyes, the _thing_ that looked like a cat and cheagle crossbreed was still there. If those kinds of crossbreeds had white fur, long tails, and strange white and pink tassels with rings sprouting out of its cat-like ears. Was that creature one of Jade's experiments? Sure, they were partners, but even so, Jade had his own personal projects, and did not always fill him in on everything that was going on with fomicry. Perhaps he decided to mess around with one of their animal experiments and managed to give it speech. “...If this is your idea of a joke, Jade, it's not funny.”

“Jade?” The creature's face remained impassive, though there was a hint of inquisitiveness in its tone; its high pitch very much unlike Jasper's voice, which made Saphir briefly wonder why he mistook the other for the said person. “I'm afraid I don't know of this 'Jade' you speak of.”

“Then who or what are you?”

“I am called Kyubey,” the creature said as it approached him. “As you probably inferred, I'm not human, though I'm capable of conversing in your tongue.”

“What's your business with me?”

“I've come to offer you a contract.” He flinched as the thing—Kyubey—hopped on his lap. It was weightless, and if it were not for the fact that he could _see_ that it _was_ on his lap, he would not have known that it was there, otherwise.

Saphir found himself staring into Kyubey's round, bead-like eyes, which reminded him of a certain Jade Curtiss's—just as red, and just as unreadable.

“And what is this contract?”

“I'll grant you any wish you want.”

“...Right.” Saphir let out a stilted laugh. “And rappigs could fly.”

“I believe that rappigs do not fly, but if that is your wish, I could easily grant that.”

Saphir raised a brow at Kyubey. “Do you have any proof that you're capable of this?”

“I'm afraid I cannot demonstrate my wish-granting abilities unless we enter a contract... but I could demonstrate a few of my abilities to you.” The last phrase rang in loudly in his mind, so loud that he involuntarily covered his ears in an attempt to muffle the sound. Frantic, he quickly scanned his surroundings and he was relieved to note that no one around.

“How did you—”

“You don't have to speak out loud.” Kyubey's words continued to ring in his mind. “Just think of the words you want to say and direct your thoughts to me.”

“Like...” Saphir pursed his lips in concentration as he spoke the word in his mind, “ _this?_ ”

“Yes, like that.”

“Whoa...”

“It's a proof of our connection, as I can't do this with just anyone.” Kyubey tilted his head sideways. “So, are you convinced yet?”

“Useful as this trick is, I'm not fully convinced. You could just be an experienced Seventh Fonist.” Indeed, there was still a lot of unknown matters about the fonon of sound. Saphir was very much certain that granting wishes was not one of them, but telepathy seemed more of a likely candidate for a possible ability bestowed by the Seventh Fonon. “I need more proof.”

“Very well.” Kyubey hopped off his lap and sat next to him. “Please kill me.”

“Kill you?” Saphir said in abject horror. “What makes you think I could do that? I mean, you don't have to kill yourself just because I don't want to form a contract with you!”

“Didn't you want some proof?”

“I can't just kill you in cold blood!”

“Really? But don't you humans always kill on a daily basis? The meat that you feed on each day... is that not a product of an animal losing its life? Why should it matter who does the killing? In the end, it still dies, doesn't it?”

“So why don't you just kill yourself instead?”

“I don't want you accusing me of pulling any magic tricks.”

Saphir spared an uncertain glance for Kyubey. It was not like Saphir had zero experience killing someone or something. It was just that it was always on someone's orders. Feeding poison to the replica faillures, dissect a cheagle for a class requirement—he always had someone he could blame for his actions. But this... come to think of it, Kyubey was asking him to kill it, right? Right. He was actually doing it a favor, was he not?

Satisfied with his line of reasoning, he got to his knees and faced Kyubey. Pulling out a remote control from his pocket, he pushed a button on it. Groaning of metal could be heard, and a robot about two feet tall emerged from a nearby alleyway and trudged towards Saphir. Pushing a few more buttons, the robot turned to face Kyubey, who still seemed unperturbed by the concept of impending death.

With one more button push, the robot pulled back its arm, and in a blink, thrust and stabbed through Kyubey's chest. Blood stained Saphir's pristine lab coat red as Kyubey slumped lifelessly on the ground, its expression remaining eeriely unchanged. Silence hung over them as a wave of panic seized Saphir's chest. Was Kyubey actually dead? Did he actually kill Kyubey?

“An unfortunate waste of resources, but I suppose it's a small price to pay if this convinces you.”

Kyubey—or something that looked uncannily like it—appeared from the same alleyway Saphir's robot came from, and Saphir watched in morbid fascination as it approached the remains of the other Kyubey and ate it up.

“You,” Saphir eyed Kyubey in disbelief, “can come back to life?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“You can do the same for others?”

“If that's your wish, I can.”

“What's the catch?” Nothing in life came for free, after all, especially for something purportedly as big as this kind of wish-granting. Though if Kyubey could really do what it claims to be capable of, then any catch was a fair price to him.

“You will have to dedicate your life to fighting witches.”

“Witches?”

“They're entities born out of curses, which harm and can even kill humans when left to run free.”

“I see.” He frowned. Those witches sounded like formidable opponents, worse than anything that one might encounter on the battlefield. “But I don't have that kind of skill for fighting. They only let me in the academy because of my intelligence,” Saphir said dismally as he looked down. “If it's a fighter you need, you're better off asking Jade.”

“This 'Jade' you speak off cannot handle this task. It has to be you. You are the one with the ability, not him.”

“Me?” Saphir said in disbelief. It was always Jade that was preferred—when it came to answering questions about fomicry or displaying one's prowess in fonic artes, it was always Jade that others sought. Saphir was more than content to support Jade from the sidelines, so as long as he could be by Jade's side. For someone to actively seek him out—it certainly was a new experience, though not an unpleasant one by any means. A strange sense of pride welled in him. Perhaps, Kyubey was right, and that there was something only _he_ could do. Not Peony, not Jasper, not Jade— _only_ him.

“There is a power within you, greater than anything you could fathom. This power is capable of defeating witches and so much more! All you have to do is make a contract with me!”

Saphir cupped his chin thoughtfully. “A lifetime of battle in exchange for one wish, huh?” Come to think of it, as a soldier, was he not more or less dedicating his life to battle? Of course, these battles with witches sounded like they would take up much of his free time, but besides that, it sounded almost like a free wish.

“Very well.” He met Kyubey's gaze, still blank as ever. “If what you say is true, then...” He took a deep breath, and uttered his heart's innermost desire. At those words, Kyubey's eyes glowed ominously, reflecting Saphir's determined look as a bright violet light enveloped both of them, bathing the world in its bright glow as the contract was established.

The golden era was about to return, and soon, he would get to see Jade's smile again—along with the Professor's.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a scene in the later part of this chapter that might make certain people uncomfortable. Nothing too graphic, but the implications of... certain things are there. The rest of the story, as per usual, remains very T in rating.

A life of a scientist was one driven by observation. Observations gave way to hypotheses, which gave way to theories, and if one was blessed by circumstance, laws. It was the natural order of things, and if one failed at a certain stage, it was not out of the ordinary to repeat a cycle of observation or hypothesizing in order to arrive at a scientific truth.

However, not all hypotheses—or even theories—had the blessing of being replicated in reality. It was not a matter of genius or not—there were things that were simply impossible, as Dr. Jade Balfour—or Major Jade Curtiss as he went by nowadays—came to learn in a difficult and painful way.

With these thoughts in mind, Jade stretched, the crick in his neck popping as he slouched back on his seat, sighing wearily at the mountain of papers on his desk.

_If that was the case, then why did the impossible happen back then?_

* * *

It had been two years since Saphir disappeared to Yulia knew where. It had also been two years since _her_ reappearance.

Or revival, as Saphir insisted back then. In a cruel twist of fate, she appeared before him just as he came to the decision to end the madness he started in a quest to see her again.

And see her again, he did. A decade later, smiling at him as if nothing has happened. As if he did not leave her for dead back then. As if he did not commit a sin against her and mankind years and years ago.

At first, he thought she was that replica. The way that monster that wore his beloved teacher's face tore into him back in the day was still fresh in his mind, and it took every ounce of his self-control not to draw his spear then.

“Jade!” Despite the familiar warmth that enveloped him, he tensed as that woman hugged him back then. “You're so big now!”

Still, he knew. She was right there, the Professor he tirelessly worked to bring back to life, smiling at him, a grinning Saphir in tow. Yet, words failed him that moment, and none of the expected euphoria came. Only a churning horror in the pit of his stomach, and the feeling that something just irrevocably broke the laws of the universe. Of course, people saw fomicry as such. Blasphemy, even. But that science he came forth with was something he could quantify and describe in theories and hypotheses. However, the woman before him... should not exist at the present time.

_Only in memories._

Instead of sinking into the Professor's warm embrace with a muttered apology as he always dreamed of, he hastened out of her arms and promptly walked out of the laboratory to collect his thoughts, passing by a Saphir whose smile quickly faded, and a Jasper who wore a look of confusion through it all.

He never saw her again since that day.

* * *

Realizing that concentration was an exercise in futility now that such thoughts consumed him, he decided to call it a day—or a night, as the sun had set a good few hours back already. Rising from his seat, he switched off his desk lamp and staggered out of his office, walking past the dark corridor as he massaged his aching temple.

As he exited the military headquarters, he found himself reflexively pulling an arm back, feeling his elbow connect with a foreign entity lurking behind his back, to which he spared a cool glance for.

“Saphir.” The telltale glow of the small fonic circle by his palm disappeared, though he still tensed all the same. “Or should I say—Dist?”

There was no response from the other, even as Jade continued to glare at him. Dist looked like he was not faring any better than he was, though that may have been thanks to the elbow he received. Dark circles framed his eyes, and there was a hollow look about him that was not solely the fault of lack of sleep.

Jade's expression momentarily soured, though he quickly resumed his impassive mask as he stepped forward, prepared to march on as if the other weren't there. However, he found himself unable to take more than two steps, arm being pulled back by Dist’s surprisingly vice-like grip.

“I need to talk to you,” Dist finally said, his voice barely audible as he rasped out those words.

Jade’s best effort to pull his arm out of his grasp by walking out was not enough to break it. His eyes wandered briefly towards the other's downcast ones. _Since when did he have this kind of strength?_

Unable to think of a way out without seriously injuring the other, he sighed in resignation. “Very well.”

After all, what could go wrong with a chat with his former colleague, even if he was the last person he wished to see?

Many things, he later learned.

* * *

At night, Grand Chokmah’s scenic waterways turned into a sparkling expanse, the stars and moon’s reflection dancing on the water’s surface, with the cascading water serving as an accompaniment to the picturesque view.

However, Dist was oblivious to the beauty around him, gaze downcast as he gripped Jade’s wrist, dragging the latter across the bridge leading into the square, eventually settling in one of benches overlooking the fountains.

For a while, he simply stared blankly at the scenery before him, wondering why he even bothered. Bothered to hike all the way to Grand Chokmah. Bothered to see the man he sacrificed everything for. Bothered to insist on dragging him all the way out here, when he clearly did not want anything to do with him and Dist himself did not know what he wanted to talk about.

It did not make any sense, but then again, since when did Dist’s life make any sense?

“…You can let go of me now, Dist.” A voice broke through his thoughts, the owner of which tugged impatiently at his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Dist’s response was to hold on tighter to Jade’s wrist. He did not want to let go. _Let go of the golden past they shared._

A sigh followed. “ _Saphir._ ”

He suppressed a shiver at the sound of his name—a name he cast aside ever since that day. He was no longer worthy of that name, especially now that he was… like _this_.

An unworthy, soulless zombie.

“…You promise?”

“I give you my word.”

Dist snorted. Like it was worth anything, considering what went down between them. Regardless, he complied with Jade’s strongly worded request, slumping in his seat and he found himself overcome with the weariness that plagued him the past few months.

If Jade noticed his tiredness, he gave no indication of it, for his tone was as cold as ever when he spoke over the silence that fell over them.

“What do you want from me?”

Dist did not answer, and merely hung his head as he balled his fists tightly, uncertain of what to say now that he had Jade’s attention. There was so much, so _much_ he wanted from him; he did not know where to start. Yet, he knew all too well that these were things he cannot ever ask of Jade. Nor things that the latter would ever grant.

“Hey, Jade,” he said, suppressing a shudder as he met Jade’s red-eyed gaze, unreadable as ever. “Tell me. What was all that for?”

“Pardon me?” There was a hint of surprise in Jade’s tone, as if he had no idea what Saphir was talking about. _As if._

“Fomicry.” Dist's voice was hollow, eyes downcast as he gritted his teeth momentarily. “You cast your name aside, left Nephry behind, and poured everything you had into your research.”

“You came back to Grand Chokmah just to ask me this?” Jade’s tone was cold, devoid of any harshness that should be there. “My apologies, but this conversation is over.”

“You promised to stay.” Without raising his head, he quickly grabbed Jade’s wrist as the other rose to leave. “Jade…” Dist’s felt his voice crack momentarily, “answer me.”

Jade let out a low breath as Dist felt him settle back in his seat. “It was necessary.”

“I see.” Dist sighed, unable to ease the heaviness in his chest. “But then, after you abandoned your research, you just left me behind, as if we did not spend the past decade and a half working together. Was that ‘necessary’ as well?”

“It was an unfortunate circumstance, but you followed me of your own volition beforehand.” This time, Jade sounded annoyed. “It could not be helped.”

Dist dared to steal a glance at Jade. Red and grey met, both cool in their intensity. Gone was any surprise that may have been in Jade’s expression, and only the coldness reminiscent of Keterburg’s snowy mountains remained. He felt another impatient tug. Perhaps in the far-flung past, Jade would have been able to easily break out of his grasp. But he was no longer that weak kid that ran after him awkwardly. With his current powers, he could now break rocks the size of boulders and run faster than Sylph, he dared say. He was strong—all thanks to Kyubey. That damned beast.

Jade sighed once more, probably frustrated at being unable to break free. “Now tell me, what’s it that you want from me?” Jade’s eyes narrowed at him once more. “I hardly think you came all this way from Daath just to blabber nonsense about the past, despite the fact that such nonsense isn’t uncharacteristic of you.”

 _You._ Dist wanted to scream out. _I want you to go back to your old self, show your true emotions instead of hiding them under a goddamn mask. Smile like you used to, tell what’s on your mind like you used to… Just… be that ‘you’ before that fire!_

“Me? I hardly think that is appropriate.”

Dist lifted his eyes to Jade, catching the momentary surprise that crossed the other’s face before it melted back into a stoic expression. It was then that he realized that he said everything out loud—his deepest desire, kept under careful wraps for Yulia knew how long. All out in a careless slip of the tongue.

And that’s when he felt himself crack, giving in to the monster inside of him.

“Then tell me, Jade.” Dist, still gripping Jade’s wrist tightly, leaned over him, lifting his free hand to lightly trace the outline of the other’s jaw with a gloved finger. “What _is_ appropriate?”

“I—”

“Is it appropriate that you left me behind?” Briefly, he registered Jade’s uncharacteristically confused expression, but promptly silenced Jade by sliding his thumb over the other’s lips. As Jade raised his other hand to swat Dist’s hand away, Dist moved his hand away from the other’s face and grabbed Jade’s free wrist, closing in not a second too soon to capture those lips he had been dreaming of tasting for the longest time.

“Is it appropriate that you left the Professor behind?” Taking advantage of the other’s surprise, he broke away momentarily and gathered Jade’s wrists in one hand, pushing him down roughly as he tied Jade’s wrists to the bench’s arm rest with the handkerchief he pulled out.

He straddled Jade’s legs as he leaned forward again, cupping the other’s chin as he whispered into his ear, “Especially after the revival we’ve been both dreaming of?”

Nipping lightly at Jade’s ear, he began to unbutton Jade’s coat with his free hand. Dimly, he was aware that he was pressing onto Jade rather forcefully, and perhaps the position he caught the other was not the most comfortable of ones, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. It’s his prize for bearing with this madness, and it was only right that he finally took what was his after all this time. Especially after raising those questions he expected no answer to.

“What are you—” Jade’s statement gave way to a stifled groan as Dist bit down on his ear.

“I told you,” Dist stared at Jade blankly, barely registering the other’s glare and flushed face as he brushed aside the other’s coat, revealing the other’s black undershirt. “I want you.”

“Dist,” Jade’s voice sounded strained as Dist unzipped his shirt, “stop. This isn’t what you w—”

And once more, Dist hushed him with a kiss—a more forceful one, greedily devouring the lips that dared defied him. As punishment, he bit down on Jade’s lower lip until he felt the coppery taste of blood, its scent mixing in with the faint aroma of amango tea that the other seemed to favor.

“What makes you think you know what I want?” Dist asked, sliding a finger down Jade’s exposed skin, tracing Jade’s collarbone before training his finger along Jade’s chest. Slow circles eventually found a nipple, a hard flick earning an uncharacteristic gasp from Jade. Unsatisfied with the reactions he was getting, his finger trailed down to the waistband of Jade’s pants.

“Saphir!”

As if hearing Jade again for the first time, Dist froze in his actions. Taking in Jade’s disheveled appearance and bloodied lip, he withdrew his hand in horror as he did a double-take, realizing the gravity of what he just did—and was trying to do.

He got to his feet shakily, wishing to distance himself from this situation, but unable to do so as he found himself staring blankly at Jade as he stood, barely registering the shock and confusion on Jade’s face as his stomach knotted up in anxiety.

He gave in. He gave in to his inner demon. No wonder they called him Dist the Reaper.

What would the Professor back in Daath think?

…No, more importantly, what was Jade thinking now? Not that he had the right to know now.

Unable to meet the other’s eye, Dist kept his gaze withdrawn as he clumsily unbound Jade’s wrists, then drew back. “I’m sorry, Jade.” With a shaking hand, he materialized a small gem—once a pure lavender light, now tainted with the darkness of his soul. It was the darkness that gave birth to a wish. A wish that turned out to be a curse—one that turned him into the monster that he was now.

“I’m so sorry.”

Jade was right. This wasn’t what he wanted. Yet, this was what he became.

His mind wandered briefly to the secrets he spilled to Van—the biggest betrayal of them all lying beyond the outskirts of Kaitzur, at a certain Choral Castle. Unforgivable, that one was. Yet, it was too late to admit or apologize for that.

Somehow, as the gem in his hand grew dimmer by the second, he knew his time was almost up.

“Here I am, taking out all my frustrations on you... How stupid of me.” A tear rolled down his cheek, dropping onto the gem he held. “You weren't the fool. I was.”

He sniffled. “It wasn’t the Professor’s revival I truly wished for.”

At that point, Dist never considered that if he talked to Jade just a little more back in the day, he would never have said yes to Kyubey’s proposition. It never crossed his mind that if he simply paused to understand Jade’s mind and made a different decision, he would have arrived at another future.

But until the end—until the world faded into black—he cursed the misfortune brought upon by Kyubey and rued the day he met Jade Curtiss. The man who used him without remorse. The man he once considered his idol. The man who was his one and only friend.

And most of all, the man that he loved.

Not wanting the other’s last memory of him to be one of sadness, he forced a smile as the last of the gem’s light disappeared, saying his true wish out loud.

“I just wanted you to be happy again.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series of (planned) stories exploring how the presence of Kyubey would influence certain events in the video game Tales of the Abyss.
> 
> I took some liberties regarding Kyubey's preferred age group, as with his wish granting capabilities. Personally, I believe that he could grant any wish, so as long as his victim is able to "pay" the appropriate price (i.e. the magical girl "potential" a particular character has).


End file.
